| |
 |
 |
What is it like to grow up with a sibling who is difficult or damaged?
Few bonds in our lives are as psychologically and emotionally significant as the ones we share with our sisters and brothers, although little has been written about this formative relationship. In this first-of-its-kind book, psychotherapist Jeanne Safer takes us into the hidden world of problem siblings and explores the far-reaching effects on the lives of those who are considered the "normal ones."
Drawing on more than sixty interviews with normal, or intact, siblings, Safer explores the daunting challenges they face, and probes the complex feelings that can strain families and damage lives. A "normal" sibling herself, Safer chronicles her own life-shaping experiences with her troubled brother. She examines the double-edged reality of normal ones: how they both compensate for their siblings' abnormality and feel guilty for their own health and success. With both wisdom and empathy, she delineates the "Caliban Syndrome," a set of personality traits characteristic of higher-functioning siblings: premature maturity, compulsion to achieve, survivor guilt, and fear of contagion.
Essential reading for normal ones and those who love them, this landmark work offers readers insight, compassion, and tools to help resolve childhood pain. It is a profound and eye-opening examination of a subject that has too long been shrouded in darkness.
A LIFE-CHANGING BOOK
"I recently came across a book that helped explain a lot about the impact Jackie [her retarded sister] had on my life. It is called The Normal One: Life with a Difficult or Damaged Sibling, written by Jeanne Safer, a psychotherapist who grew up with a very difficult brother. I recognized myself on almost every page: "the prematurely mature child; the looming responsiblity for a siblig's care and well being; the compulsion to be an ove-achiever, the fear of failure." I wish I had read the book earlier in my life..."
from Audition: A Memoir by Barbara Walters, May 2008
WHAT REVIEWERS ARE SAYING
"Disturbing and persuasive…THE NORMAL ONE provides a great service for the siblings of truly damaged individuals… [Safer is] speaking out on their behalf with a deeply intelligent, fully informed and thoroughly welcome voice."
--The New York Times Book Review
"Revelatory…This is an indelible, brave, profoundly sensitive, and deeply personal look at how the 'normal' half lives, loves, resents, reconciles, sometimes denies, sometimes transcends, aches for-but never quite trusts-the consolations of family."
--O Magazine
"This is an overdue and important book."
--The Weekly Standard
"Wise and compassionate, THE NORMAL ONE fearlessly speaks the truth about the challenges of being an invisible sibling. This is a comfort book in the truest sense!"
--Laurie Fox,
author of My Sister From the Black Lagoon
"THE NORMAL ONE is Jeanne Safer's breakout book…in bravely facing and incorporating her own personal story, Safer has written an immensely moving and invaluable book."
--Molly Haskell,
author of From Reverence to Rape:
The Treatment of Women
in the Movies
"Usually we don't think of sibling relationships as taboo-unless, of course, they are severely unequal. In this rare and honest book, psychologist Jeanne Safer looks at those of us who become the 'normal ones,' and sees who we are by what we so often fail to acknowledge: the damaged dreams of our siblings who are unable to live normal lives…if you are a normal one, this book may well change your life."
--Molly Peacock, author of How to Read a Poem…And Start a Poetry Circle
"If you are one of millions of Americans with a difficult sibling, you can bury the problem--or you can read this book and liberate yourself."
--Montel Williams
WHAT READERS ARE SAYING
"Thank you for your contribution to this area of life--it is heartwarming as a parent to know you and others are out there for our normal children."
--Donna T, Providence, RI
"I am currently reading you book The Normal One and I felt compelled to write to you to thank you for writing it! I am twenty-six years old and I have a mentally ill twenty-three-year-old brother. I am definitely what you call the "normal" sibling....I am relieved to know that I am not alone in my situation, when for years, I thought it was a normal one. So many points that you make in your book are so unbelievably true, I just cannot believe it took so long for a book like yours to be published."
--Linda G, Boston, MA
Dear Jeanne,I never write to authors, but felt compelled to write to you. I just wanted to thank you for writing The Normal One. I stumbled upon it at a time in my life, at the age of 25, when I was finally ready to look at the ignored, but absolutely essential component of my life, my developmentally disabled brother. You helped me to pin down and put words to a vague feeling of unrest I had growing in the pit of my heart. The stories and insights you shared have helped bring me to realizations both painful and freeing, and, thanks to you, I feel closer to truly knowing my identity and truth, not simply the self I constructed in response to my brother....
I look forward to getting acquainted with the layers you've helped me peel back, and look forward to getting to know myself, and my brother, outside of the roles and confines established within my family while growing up. Thanks for addressing this important issue and for making me, and others like me, feel less alone.
--Sandra H, Leonia, NJ
cialis
hydrocodone
|
 |
|
|
